People say "Fortune Favours the Brave", well if it does things need to change and change fast! Since the UK lottery began on the 19th of November 1994 the heroes of our post-Tate-modern society - the armed forces, fire-fighters, police people and child-care workers, have been paying exactly, yes exactly, the same price for their lottery tickets as bed-salesmen and popcorn sellers. This is absolute madness and needs questions in parliament as soon as possible, preferably this Tuesday. Surely the answer to this diabolical chance-related absurdity is to charge the "brave" professions 10% more for their "life changing" Camelot punts and make the rest of the custard and banana lovers pay 8% of their "winnings" to noble causes. Common sense when will thou show thine face?
Elvis once sang, "Wise Men Say Only Fools Rush In", well, on a recent visit to the dentist I noticed a great offer in Kendal Sports that stated, "Nike Dri-Fit golf gloves XXl only 2 pairs left £13.75 for both" What a quandary. Fortunately I didn't hesitate and "rushed in" to buy both pairs, strictly against "The Kings" advice. Who knows what mess I would have been in if - on leaving the dentist (£55.50 including scale and polish) - I had missed this great offer. This also got me thinking about other lyrics by the jump-suit wearing side-board master, for instance..."We Can't Go On Together, With Suspicious Minds" nice riff but appalling advice. For one, I am suspicious of Roy Hodgson's ability to make the England team into a winning unit. Also I doubt that Ross Kemp, is as "hard" as he appears on TV. Carol is also suspicious of the bus timetable from Kirkby Lonsdale to Ingleton as it fails to mention the times during the school "summer holidays". So, overall, tale care when following the glib advice of the mega-popstars as it may edge towards "There May Be Trouble Ahead" faultless advice from the great songstress Diana Krall.
Morrissey says "Meat is Murder" fair point you may say by the depressed ex-lyricist, but has he worked out the ethics? Firstly, one reason for his Salfordian, grey-clouded, infectious gloom is his reluctance to "work out" physically which, incidentally, would render him incapable of catching an animal never-mind dispatching it to another world. A Masai he is not. So, if "Meat is Murder" 98.76% of the population would be serving a mandatory 18-33 years in prison (depending on the "rawness" of the cutlet) meaning that the remaining "vegans" would have to serve as prison guards. The only likely outcome would be that prisons - in this context - turned into "normal" society or that everyone in prison "broke out" and returned to their everyday jobs/careers/laying-about. It might already have happened, who's to know?
